I have been slacking with blogging, but it was the last thing on my mind. I have also been slacking on self care and taking time for doing what I need to do for myself. I need to do better about that- even if it is just 5 minutes.
So, a little update. We are having another girl:) we are very exited, and so is our daughter. This baby is carrying super low, and moves all of the time- which is incredibly reassuring. Everything is going smoothly.
I have mentioned before, I think, that I'm a nurse. I recently switched units to a postpartum unit- and I am in love. However. I recently had to get certified forNEP- basically CPR for newborns. It consists of studying, taking multiple tests, and going to a class where you work as a team and run through scenarios proving you know what steps/interventions to take. I didn't think anything about it at first, but the more I got into it the more anxious I got. I was at the hospital I would deliver at, my instructor was a labor and delivery nurse who could potentially be my nurse, while I was learning how to revive newborns. Not what a mom of loss being pregnant wants to think about. I got through it, passed, and was able to calm down, but my anxiety level was pretty high for a couple days. Cue the realization that I need to really take time for myself and relax and destress.
Today, some co-workers were telling me about a ring test to tell you how many kids you will have in your life, and their genders in order- and it also is supposed to show lost babies. So naturally, I was intrigued. Well, here is what the ring said. Girl, girl, neutral, boy, girl. First girl would be our daughter. Second girl would by my loss. Neutral would be the blighted ovum- which technically there is no baby, so there is no gender to tell. Boy would be my 3rd loss. Girl would be my current pregnancy. I was oddly comforted knowing what my lost babies were. A girl and a boy. It doesn't make it better, but I thought about it on my way home from work (my hour drive), and it makes me want to name them. Maybe help bring about more sense of closure. I will have to sleep on it and think about it first, and of course discuss it with my husband- after all, they are his babies too and his losses as well.
Speaking of- I think we forget that men feel loss too. Differently, of course, but they do. So let's remember to be sensitive to the men who feel loss as well as the women. They are probably in a hard place- grieving but also trying to stay strong for her. Basically it is a shitty situation for everyone.
Alright, I digress enough and I am tired and hungry and have to get up and do it all over tomorrow. I will try to be better about blogging. I will be more adamant about giving myself and body the time it deserves. And I will start with going to bed right now and getting a good night's sleep.
